How to Start a Conversation About Child Safety

If you’re unsure how to start a conversation about safety with someone caring for your child, remember to do a safety CHECK:

Create a routine.

Instead of talking about safety only when you’re worried about your child, discuss it with every caretaker, every time. That way, the conversation isn’t directed toward a specific person. It’s simply how your family handles safety. 

• Try saying, “We’ve gotten into the habit of checking on a few safety things before every playdate.”

Have a respectful opening.

Before jumping into safety questions, start by asking for permission to discuss child safety. This can help set a respectful tone and acknowledges that the other person has a choice about whether to have the conversation or not.

• Try saying, “Can I ask a couple of quick safety questions?”

Explain why you’re asking.

Make it about your family or your child. This can help the conversation feel less personal.

• Try saying, “Maddy is super curious, so I like to ask a few safety things before dropping her off anywhere.”

Be clear. 

Keep your questions straightforward, ask one question at a time and wait for their answer before asking another question. Common safety topics include:  

• Car safety 
• Water safety 
• Firearm safe storage 
• Safe sleep for infants

Kindly say thank you. 

Thank the other person for having the conversation, even if you don’t like or agree with their response. 

• Try saying, “Thanks so much for talking that through with me. I really appreciate it.”

Whenever possible, ask safety questions before your child is in someone else’s care. This gives everyone time to think and make a plan. If you don’t have a chance to ask beforehand, it’s OK to ask at drop-off.

Texting can be a great option for safety conversations. It often feels more casual, allows everyone time to respond and gives caregivers something they can easily refer to later. It also lets everyone think without kids overhearing, which can help reduce disappointment or embarrassment if plans need to change. If there’s any confusion or the tone isn’t coming across quite right, you can always follow up with a phone call or in-person conversation.

Your definition of “safe” may be different than someone else’s. That’s why it’s important to ask clear, direct questions rather than making assumptions. For example: 

• Instead of, “You don’t leave firearms lying around, do you?” or “Your firearms are stored safely, right?” 
• Try, “Do you have any firearms in the home, and if so, are they locked and stored unloaded?”

Keep in mind that the goal of a safety conversation isn’t to judge someone else’s choices. It’s to gather information so that you can make the best decision for your family.

Safety conversations can help you gather information, but they’re not the only thing that matters. Pay attention to what you see, hear and feel. Ask yourself:

• Does this person have similar safety priorities as our family?
• Is this person receptive to this conversation?  
• Do I feel comfortable with this plan?

Once you have all the safety information you need, decide what feels right for your family. Depending on the situation, you might: 

• Say yes: You ask your questions, feel comfortable with the caregiver’s answers and move forward with the plan. 
• Ask for a change: If you learn about something that doesn’t work for your family, you can ask the caregiver to make a change or suggest a plan you’re more comfortable with.
• Try saying, “Would you mind if we had the kids hang out at our house instead?” 
• Or, “I know she seems so grown up, but she still needs to ride in a booster seat. Would you mind if I installed it in your car before your outing? It would give me peace of mind.” 
• Politely say no: Sometimes, the safest choice is not moving forward. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s OK to say no, change your mind or leave. 
• Try saying, “Thank you for talking with me about it. It sounds like this isn’t the right fit for us this time.”

If you learn that your child was in a potentially unsafe situation while in someone else’s care, you may wonder if you should bring it up. But a kind and respectful conversation can help prevent the same situation from happening again.

When talking about a safety concern that’s already happened:  

• Try to assume positive intent. The caregiver may not know current recommendations or realize there was a concern.  
• If expectations weren’t set ahead of time, take ownership of that.
• Be clear about what you’d like to happen next time.
• If you’re still uncomfortable after the conversation, it’s OK to make different plans in the future.

For example, your babysitter texts you a photo of your baby napping on their tummy. You might respond, “Thank you for watching her today. We really appreciate your help. I realize I may not have explained our sleep routine well, and that’s on me. We always place her on her back for sleep based on what our pediatrician told us about the latest safe sleep recommendations. I know recommendations have changed over the years, so I just wanted to mention it for next time. Thanks again for your help. We’re so grateful!”

If your child has an injury or is showing signs of illness, call your doctor or visit an urgent care center. If your child has a life-threatening injury or illness, is having trouble breathing or is unconscious, call 911 and/or visit an emergency department immediately.