Age-Based Emotional Regulation Skills for Kids

A photo of a mother helping her son with emotional regulation skills by holding him while he cries.

Parenting is an ever-evolving role. One day you’re drying tears at school drop-off, then suddenly you’re validating their pre-test anxiety before the SATs. And just as our role as parents evolves, so will the emotional needs of our kids as they get older and become more independent.

In this article:

Supporting our kids emotionally paves the way for them to eventually regulate emotions on their own in the future. To help kids do this we have to understand four things:

  1. We are responsible for teaching our kids emotional regulation skills as safe, stable, and nurturing adults in their life.
  2. While it’s most effective to build emotional regulation skills starting at birth, the good news is it’s never too late to teach these skills.
  3. We want to encourage kids to find coping strategies that work well for them as they get older and become more independent.
  4. We need to be patient and offer guidance and support along the way, just as we do with other skills they learn.

Once we understand this, we can then use the following age-based coping skills for kids whenever we need them.

Emotional regulation skills for infants

Babies cannot yet regulate their emotions, so they fully rely on caregivers for this. Here are some emotional regulation skills you can try with your infant.

Strategies Skills

Follow predictable routines: Knowing what to expect creates a sense of safety, which often reduces anxiety for children.
  • Sing the same lullaby or read the same poem each night.
  • Play the same soothing song when you wake them up each morning.

Use foundational communication skills: These foundational language strategies will help them identify and express their own feelings and needs in the future.

  • Name feelings based on how your baby is responding (e.g., “Aw, you’re smiling! You look happy to see me!”).
  • Look for opportunities to model feelings words (e.g., “I am putting your favorite toy in the stroller. I am excited for our walk outside together!”).

Create soothing sensory experiences. Calming sights, sounds and smells can help babies feel calmer.

  • Go for a walk to feel the cool breeze.
  • Dim the lights and turn on quiet, soothing music.

Practice self-care: Making time to intentionally care for ourselves during the highs and lows of parenthood can help reduce everyday stress. A calm presence in us can help babies calm their own nervous systems.
  • Remember to eat nutritious meals and drink water.
  • Breathe through tough moments.
  • Connect with loved ones.
  • Set boundaries for visitors.
  • Ask other adults for help.
  • Talk about challenging moments with a partner, friend, family member or professional.

Emotional regulations skills for toddlers

Toddlers experience big feelings and still rely on frequent caregiver comfort. Here are some emotional regulation skills you can try with your toddler.

Strategies Skills

Regulate yourself, then respond to your toddler. Toddlers learn how to handle big feelings by watching adults.
  • Pause, breathe and then respond.
  • Count to 5 out loud when you’re feeling frustrated.
  • Show yourself grace when you’re feeling challenged or overwhelmed.

Label emotions during play. Naming feelings helps toddlers build their emotional vocabulary as they grow.

Practice skills together now that they can do on their own later. We teach and model emotional regulation skills so kids can observe and adopt these skills over time.

Take deep breaths together.

  • Pretend to smell the flowers as you inhale.
  • Blow out the candles as you exhale.
  • Blow bubbles.
  • Have toddlers lie down and place a small object on their stomach so they can see it rising and falling with each breath.

Create soothing sensory experiences. Soothing sensory experiences can help toddlers cope with their feelings.
  • Sing to your child.
  • Hug your child or gently rub their back when they are upset.
  • Provide comfort items, such as blankets or stuffed animals.

Emotional regulations skills for preschoolers

Preschoolers are beginning to understand feelings and can practice simple self-regulation but still rely heavily on adults for support. Here are some emotional regulation skills you can try with your preschooler.

Strategies Skills

Provide clear, consistent limits. Limits can help preschoolers begin to learn how to express their feelings in safe ways.

  • Validate the feeling (e.g., “I understand you’re upset, and it’s OK to feel that way.”).
  • Set a limit on the behavior (e.g., "But it’s not OK to hit. That’s not safe.”).
  • Redirect them to something they’re allowed to do (e.g., “You can ask your sister to take turns, or you can find a different toy to play with.”).

Practice expressing and managing feelings in playful ways. Learning to label feelings will eventually help preschoolers learn how to handle those feelings.

  • Use a mirror to make faces and name the feeling that goes with them.
  • Put on music and dance.
  • Model how to label feelings throughout a game.
  • Model how to cope with winning and losing a game.

Set up a calming corner. A calming corner gives kids a safe space to go when they need to take a break or practice coping skills.

Emotional regulation skills for grade schoolers

Children begin recognizing and using words to express more complex feelings, especially when adults continue modeling this practice. Here are some emotional regulation skills you can try with your elementary schooler.

Strategies Skills

Communicate clearly, calmly and compassionately. When children feel heard and respected, they are more likely to share their feelings with you.
  • Listen actively by putting away distractions like phones.
  • Encourage children to share feelings with friends and trusted adults.
  • Respond without judgment.
  • After conflict, wait to problem-solve until everyone is calm again.
  • When you slip up, apologize and use it as a teaching moment.

Promote emotional expression in creative ways. Art, music and writing offer a fun, safe way to express feelings and build emotional awareness.

  • Encourage journaling to reflect on their feelings and experiences.
  • Make a glitter jar together.
  • Ask about the characters’ experiences and feelings in books they’re reading (or read the same book and discuss together).
  • Teach them to practice shifting their mindset by thinking of something that makes them laugh.

Encourage movement. Releasing energy can help children regulate their emotions and focus their attention.

Play games together. Play teaches children how to handle winning, losing, frustration and excitement in a fun, low stakes setting.

Emotional regulation skills for middle and high schoolers

For middle and high schoolers, the goal is to help them recognize which coping skills can help with specific emotions. Adolescents may begin using coping skills on their own when calm and when distressed. Here are some emotional regulation skills you can try with your middle or high schooler.

Strategies Skills

Make the connection between thoughts, feelings and behaviors. This ability to start to notice the connection allows them to be more aware and make more mindful choices.

Help them build awareness of their technology use:

  • Encourage them to notice their thoughts: “Everyone on TikTok is having fun without me.”
  • Then notice how this makes them feel: “I feel my heart race, and I feel tense.”
  • Then notice their behavior: “I keep scrolling to see what more I am missing out on.”

Model decision-making and problem solving. Slowing down helps kids and teens make decisions from a more balanced, regulated state.

  • Encourage them to pause, breathe and then respond.
  • Ask open-ended questions about potential solutions when helping them problem-solve.

Encourage coping skills as part of the daily routine. When these skills are used regularly it can help kids manage stress more proactively.

young girl hugging mom to foster emotional regulation skills and feel comforted while she’s upset

Consistency over perfection

Modeling emotional regulation skills perfectly isn’t possible—no one is perfect. Instead, focus on practicing coping skills consistently with kids over time.

If your child is struggling to regulate their emotions, that’s OK. Coping skills for kids can take time to master. When in doubt, always trust your gut and consult a mental health professional if needed. Take any thoughts of suicide seriously. Call or text 988 if you or a loved one is experiencing thoughts of suicide, self-harm or any mental health crisis.

Related Content

Download PDF Resources